Monika Bartyzel, on cinematical,  wonders “why we don’t get many classic fairy tale horror movies. I’m not referring to reimagining familial tales into something more adult (like Dorothy and BDSM), but rather going back to the source of the fairy tale”:

Hansel and Gretel: A family is starving, burning of the old woman, and her cannibalistic dreams. That the mother or stepmother happens to die when the children have killed the witch has suggested to many commentators that the mother or stepmother and the witch are, in fact, the same woman.

Sleeping Beauty: Originally published by Charles Perrault, the story consisted of two parts. The first is what we’re familiar with, except that the prince raped the sleeping girl. Then there is Part 2: Attempted infanticide and cannibalism, war, and an Ogress Queen torn apart by snakes and vipers.

Red Riding Hood: In an earlier version, the wolf was a werewolf, and he feeds grandma’s blood and meat to the little girl (more cannibalism). He then makes her strip, throw her clothes in the fire, and has her come to bed. However, before anything can happen, she figures things out and asks to go the bathroom so she can escape.

Rapunzel: A pregnant women who will agree to any demand, a witch, an imprisoned 12-year old girl who is impregnated by a passing prince, the prince is blinded by thorns after near fatal jump from a tower.

Rumpelstiltskin: A gold-spinning demon, an imprisoned daughter facing execution: "she would be skewered and then fricasseed like a pig,” a infant ransomed, and the gory end to Rumpelstiltskin: "in his rage drove his right foot so far into the ground that it sank in up to his waist; then in a passion he seized the left foot with both hands and tore himself in two."

Snow White: Attempted murder by: poisoned apple, comb with poison, asphyxiation by tight dress and a kingdom’s retribution: "a pair of heated iron shoes were brought forth with tongs and placed before the Queen. She was then forced to step into these and dance until she fell down dead."

The Juniper Tree: mother dies in child birth, stepmother decapitates child, daughter convinced she cause the child’s death, child’s body fed to Dad in pie, ghost seeks revenge on evil stepmother

There’s even a song that goes along with The Juniper Tree:
My mother, she butchered me,
My father, he ate me,
My sister, little Anne Marie,
She gathered up the bones of me,
and tied them in a silken cloth,
and laid them under the juniper.
Tweet tweet! What a pretty bird am I!

We came up with a few to add to Monika’s list:

The Red Shoes (paraphrased): Once there was a poor little girl, named Karen, was adopted by a rich old lady after her mother’s death. She grows up vain. Then, she buys a pair of red shoes and repeatedly wears them to church, without paying attention to the service. Her adoptive mother becomes ill, but Karen deserts her, preferring to attend a party in her red shoes. Once she begins dancing, she can’t stop. The shoes take over. She cannot control them and they are stuck to her feet. And the shoes continue to dance, through fields and meadows, rain or shine, night and day. She can’t even attend her adoptive mother’s funeral. An angel appears to her, condemning her to dance even as she grows cold and pale, as a warning to vain children everywhere. Karen then asks the executioner to chop off her feet. He does so and gives her a pair of wooden feet and crutches. Thinking that she has suffered enough for the red shoes Karen decides to go to church in order for the people to see her, but the chopped-off feet with the red shoes dance before her, barring the way.

The Girl without Hands: A deal with the devil, child’s hands chopped off, a king demands the queen and newborn child kill; the eyes and tongue as proof.

Godfather Death: Death becomes godfather to boy, physician receives the power to heal or condemn to death, tries to trick death, ends up dying in hell.

Struwwelpeter, a series of stories that include: boy bitten by a dog; a girl plays with matches and burns to death; a rabbit steals a rifle and hunts the hunter; a son told not to suck his thumbs – a roving tailor appears and cuts off his thumbs with giant scissors; a healthy, strong boy refuses to eat, over the next five days he wastes away and dies; a boy goes outside during a storm and is blown away to his doom.

Popularity: 1%

Cracked.com’s Colm Prunty has compiled his list of “monsters that anyone with working legs and the IQ of a well-trained Dalmatian could escape.”: The 7 Most Easily Escapable Movie Monsters

• Samara Morgan/Sadako from The Ring/Ringu (2002/1998): “One would think the obvious thing to do would be to step outside and leave the TV behind.” In addition, Samara is screwed unless if she transfers her evil videotape to DVD or possibly Blu-ray/HD-DVD. For a crazy killer, she’s not really on top of today’s technology.
• The Predator from Predator (1987): Won’t attack the unarmed or helpless. “Using this knowledge to your advantage, smear yourself with feces and crawl weeping toward it.”
• Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974): “Leatherface is stupid. Really, inbred-to-the-point-of-extinction stupid.”
• The demon Pazuzu from The Exorcist (1973): “He may be the laziest of the monsters on the list. He’ll probably do his evil deeds through the body of some other victim (such as a little girl) and might simply try to talk you into killing yourself.”
• Michael Myers from Halloween (1978): Michael walks at “the pace of a retarded glacier. With this knowledge, maintain a brisk walking pace in an open area such as a field.” Also applies to Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th.
• The Thing from The Thing (1982): “If you suspect one of your co-workers or loved ones is The Thing, arm yourself and follow them around for as long as it takes.”
• The Blair Witch from The Blair Witch Project (1999): “The Blair Witch is… old, dead and picks on children… you should be old enough to just punch her in the face and stroll away.”

Unfortunately, Cracked’s list is flawed because almost every horror movie is written about people who are captive and cannot escape from the monster – it’s the ‘trapped in the haunted house’ premise. If the audience sees the people escape the creature then the movie is over. With that said, here are some equally lame monsters:

• The blob from The Blob (1958): Its a slow moving ooze; In order to be killed by it, you basically have to belly flop into the thing.
• Shark in Jaws (1975): Hint – stay out of the water
• Aliens in Signs (2002): Again, water
• Shambling monster from The Creeping Terror (1964): The monster is basically a giant throw rug with someone crab-walking around under it. Coma patients could dream themselves away from this pathetic pile of “terror.”
• Charles Lee Ray/Chucky from Child’s Play (1988): He’s a doll, if you see him running towards you, just kick him to the other side of the room and that’s it.
• Kharis, the Mummy from The Mummy (1959): That guy had only one working arm and staggered: A baby could roll away from him.
• Daleks from Dr. Who and the Daleks (1965): One word – stairs
• Audrey II from The Little Shop of Horrors (1960): She’s a POTTED plant
• The stuff from The Stuff (1985): How hard is it not to eat something that looks like soft-serve, albino diarrhea leaking out of a hole in the ground?
• The industrial laundry press from The Mangler (1995): How to escape it? Just don’t go near the thing.
• The Candyman from Candyman (1992): All you have to do is not say his name 3 times.

Popularity: 1%

"Zombies, man. They creep me out." –Kaufman, Land of the Dead (2005)

Zombies are fascinating creatures. Combining the horrors of the undead and cannibalism, zombies have become a staple of modern horror fiction, where they are brought back from the dead by supernatural or scientific means, and eat the flesh or brains of the living. Commonly referred to as the Romero zombie, after the filmmaker that defined the concept, this movie monster has become the archetypal version in modern media and culture.

In time for Halloween, the Zombie Reporting Center has released their Top Ten Quotes from Zombie Movies:

1. “Send… More… Paramedics…” – Zombie (The Return of the Living Dead, 1985)
2. “When there is no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth” – Peter (Dawn of the Dead, 1978)
3. “They’re coming to get you, Barbara!” – Johnny (Night of the Living Dead, 1968
4. “What did you want me to do? Leave you a message? Cat dead, details later?” -Herbert West (Re-Animator, 1985)
5. “This… is my boomstick!” – Ash (Army of Darkness, 1992)
6. “I wish the dead could come back to life, you bastard, so then I could kill you again.” – The Inspector (Let Sleeping Corpses Lie – 1974)
7. “They’re not really dead, just sort of rotting” – Lionel (Dead Alive, 1992)
8. “Who died and made you f*cking king of the zombies?” – Ed (Shaun of the Dead, 2004)
9. “It gets up and kills! The people it kills get up and kill!” – Dr. Foster (Dawn of the Dead, 1978)
10. “Okay, well, you’re dead. Which is unusual, because we don’t normally see this much activity in a dead person.” – Dr. Bronson (My Boyfriend’s Back, 1993)

They also maintain a database of all previous zombie films as well as upcoming undead movies. Here is there list as of Oct 21st:

0-9

• 28 Days Later (2002)
• 28 Weeks Later (2007)

A

• Alien Dead, The aka It Fell from the Sky (1980)
• Army of Darkness (1992)
• At Twilight Come the Flesh-Eaters (1998)

B

• Battlefield Baseball (2005)
• Beyond, The aka L’aldila, Lau-dela, Die Geistertadt der Zombies, Seven Doors of Death (1981)
• Beyond Re-Animator (2003)
• Beyond Terror aka Mas alla del terror, Au dela de la terror (1980)
• Biker Zombies from Detroit (2005)
• Bio Cops aka Sheng hua te jing zhi sang shi ren wu, Bio-Crisis Cops (2000)
• Bio-Zombie aka Sang dut san shut (1998)
• Biohazardous (2000)
• Black Sheep (2007)
• Blood of the Beast (2003)
• Bloodsuckers from Outer Space (1984)
• Blue Sunshine (1971)
• Boneyard, The (1989)
• Bowery at Midnight (1942)
• Braindead aka Dead Alive (1992)
• Bride of Re-Animator aka Re-Animator II (1990)

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Popularity: 1%

Vampires are mythological beings that are renowned for subsisting on human blood or soul. Although vampires have different characteristics depending on which story one reads (or movie one watches), in most cases, they are described as reanimated corpses who feed by draining and consuming the blood of living beings.

The term was popularized in the early 18th century and arose from the folklore of southeastern Europe, particularly the Balkans and Greece. In 1897, Bram Stoker’s novel, Dracula, brought folklore into the realm of published fiction. The success of this book spawned a distinctive vampire genre, still popular today. Books and films of the genre have portrayed vampires with attributes markedly distinct from those of original folkloric vampires. With Count Dracula, the gaunt, fanged noble undead, vulnerable to sunlight was born. However, traits such as aversion to garlic and vulnerability to staking were simply incorporated from the folklore.

Vampires have also proven to be a rich subject for the film and gaming industries. Dracula is a major character in more movies than any other except Sherlock Holmes.

Here is a list by snarkerati.com of the Top 70 Vampire Movies of All Time, ranked according to an average score from both IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes.

1. Nosferatu (1922)
2. Dracula (1931)
3. Nosferatu the Vampyre (1979)
4. Black Sunday (1960)
5. Martin (1977)
6. Horror of Dracula (1958)
7. Near Dark (1987)
8. Dracula: Pages from a Virgin’s Diary (2002)
9. Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000)
10. Cronos (1993)
11. Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992)
12. The Night Stalker (1972)
13. Fright Night (1985)
14. Shadow of the Vampire (2000)
15. Interview with the Vampire (1994)
16. Sundown: The Vampire In Retreat (1991)
17. Day Watch (2006) AKA Dnevnoy Dozor
18. The Lost Boys (1987)
19. From Dusk Till Dawn (1996)
20. The Last Man on Earth (1964)
21. The Fearless Vampire Killers/ Dance of the Vampires (1967)
22. Salem’s Lot (1979)
23. The Monster Squad (1987)
24. JC Vampire Hunter (2001)
25. House of Dracula (1945)
26. Vampyres (1974)
27. Dracula’s Daughter (1936)
28. Brides of Dracula (1960)
29. Vampire Hunter D (1985)
30. Blade (1998)
31. Blade II (2002)
32. Night Watch (2004) AKA Nochnoy Dozor
33. John Badham’s Dracula (1979)
34. The Addiction (1995)
35. Vampire Effect (2003) AKA The Twins Effect
36. Blood: The Last Vampire (2000)
37. Blood and Donuts (1995)
38. Nadja (1994)
39. Love at First Bite (1979)
40. Rabid (1977)
41. Vampire’s Kiss (1989)
42. BioHunter (1995)
43. Frostbitten (2006)
44. Son of Dracula (1943)
45. The Return of the Vampire (1944)
46. Blood for Dracula (1974) AKA Andy Warhol’s Dracula
47. The Wisdom of Crocodiles (1998)
48. The Hunger (1983)
49. The Vampire Lovers (1970)
50. Underworld (2003)
51. Subspecies (1991)
52. Ganja & Hess (1973)
53. Innocent Blood (1992)
54. Vampyros Lesbos (1970)
55. John Carpenter’s Vampires (1998)
56. The Night Flier (1997)
57. Lifeforce (1985)
58. Underworld: Evolution (2006)
59. Blade: Trinity (2004)
60. Vamp (1986)
61. Fright Night Part 2 (1988)
62. Van Helsing (2004)
63. Blacula (1972)
64. The Satanic Rites of Dracula (1974)
65. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)
66. The Forsaken (2001)
67. Queen of the Damned (2002)
68. Dracula 2000 (2000)
69. Vampire in Brooklyn (1995)
70. Bordello of Blood (1996)

Honorable Mentions:

• Ultraviolet (1998)
• Hellsing (2006)

Others:

• Lemora: A Child’s Tale of the Supernatural (1973) – A young girl who returns to her hometown to see her dying father finds herself being drawn into a web of vampirism and witchcraft.
• Count Yorga, Vampire (1970) – Sixties couples Michael and Donna and Paul and Erica become involved with the intense Count Yorga at a Los Angeles seance, the Count having latterly been involved with Erica’s just-dead mother. After taking the Count home, Paul and Erica are waylayed, and next day a listless Erica is diagnosed by their doctor as having lost a lot of blood. When she is later found feasting on the family cat the doctor becomes convinced vampirism is at work, and that its focus is Count Yorga and his large isolated house.
• The Return of Count Yorga (1971) – Count Yorga continues to prey on the local community while living by a nearby orphanage. He also intends to take a new wife, while feeding his bevy of female vampires.
• 30 Days of Night (2007) – This is the story of an isolated Alaskan town that is plunged into darkness for a month each year when the sun sinks below the horizon. As the last rays of light fade, the town is attacked by a bloodthirsty gang of vampires bent on an uninterrupted orgy of destruction. Only the small town’s husband-and-wife Sheriff team stand between the survivors and certain destruction.
• Once Bitten (1985) – The Countess has a problem. She is a 400 year old vampire who will cease to look young unless she is able to feed on a virgin three times before Holloween, a week away. She sends Sebastian, her servant and all of her lesser vampires out to find one. Finding a virgin is difficult in Los Angeles. Mark has a problem. He wants to ‘do it’ with Robin in the worst way, but she wants to wait. Jamie and Russ, Mark’s goofy friends convince him to go to a Hollywood pick up spot where Mark meets the Countess, on the prowl. Robin’s not going to understand.
• Embrace of the Vampire (1995) – Charlotte is a good girl virgin who is having some very bad dreams about sex. These dreams are courtesy of the vampire. Charlotte begins to change but as long as she remains pure for three days, the vampire will take her and they will live eternally together.
• Dracula: Dead and loving it (1995) – Another spoof from the mind of Mel Brooks. This time he’s out to poke fun at the Dracula myth. Basically, he took "Bram Stoker’s Dracula," gave it a new cast and a new script and made a big joke out of it. The usual, rich English are attacked by Dracula (Leslie Nielsen) and Dr. Van Helsing (Mel Brooks) is brought in to save the day.
• Dracula AD 1972 (1972) – In London 1872 – the final battle between Lawrence van Helsing and Count Dracula on top of a coach results in Dracula dying from a stake made from the remains of a wooden wheel. Lawrence dies from his wounds and, as he is buried, a servant of Dracula buries the remains of the stake by the grave and keeps a bottle of Dracula’s ashes and the ring. One hundred years later, the colourful 1972, Johnny, the great-grandson of the servant joins up with a "group" containing Jessica, the grand-daughter of the present vampire hunter, Abraham van Helsing and with their unknowing help resurrect Dracula in the 20th Century who is determined to destroy the house of Van Helsing, but who can believe that The king of the Vampires really exists and is alive – in 20th Century London?

Popularity: 8%

Today movie posters are valuable collectibles, but in the beginning, they were just one more way the big studios tried to convince audiences to go to the movies. Lost in Negative Space collected a number of what it calls “Embarrassing Movie Posters.”  Our take is that whoever came up with these movie ideas in the first place are the ones who should be embarrassed. Below is a gallery of some of Negative Space’s best and a second gallery of ones we found:

Embarrassing Movie Posters Gallery:

Gallery of other cringworthy movie posters that we found:

Popularity: 1%