Cracked.com’s Colm Prunty has compiled his list of “monsters that anyone with working legs and the IQ of a well-trained Dalmatian could escape.”: The 7 Most Easily Escapable Movie Monsters

• Samara Morgan/Sadako from The Ring/Ringu (2002/1998): “One would think the obvious thing to do would be to step outside and leave the TV behind.” In addition, Samara is screwed unless if she transfers her evil videotape to DVD or possibly Blu-ray/HD-DVD. For a crazy killer, she’s not really on top of today’s technology.
• The Predator from Predator (1987): Won’t attack the unarmed or helpless. “Using this knowledge to your advantage, smear yourself with feces and crawl weeping toward it.”
• Leatherface from The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974): “Leatherface is stupid. Really, inbred-to-the-point-of-extinction stupid.”
• The demon Pazuzu from The Exorcist (1973): “He may be the laziest of the monsters on the list. He’ll probably do his evil deeds through the body of some other victim (such as a little girl) and might simply try to talk you into killing yourself.”
• Michael Myers from Halloween (1978): Michael walks at “the pace of a retarded glacier. With this knowledge, maintain a brisk walking pace in an open area such as a field.” Also applies to Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th.
• The Thing from The Thing (1982): “If you suspect one of your co-workers or loved ones is The Thing, arm yourself and follow them around for as long as it takes.”
• The Blair Witch from The Blair Witch Project (1999): “The Blair Witch is… old, dead and picks on children… you should be old enough to just punch her in the face and stroll away.”

Unfortunately, Cracked’s list is flawed because almost every horror movie is written about people who are captive and cannot escape from the monster – it’s the ‘trapped in the haunted house’ premise. If the audience sees the people escape the creature then the movie is over. With that said, here are some equally lame monsters:

• The blob from The Blob (1958): Its a slow moving ooze; In order to be killed by it, you basically have to belly flop into the thing.
• Shark in Jaws (1975): Hint – stay out of the water
• Aliens in Signs (2002): Again, water
• Shambling monster from The Creeping Terror (1964): The monster is basically a giant throw rug with someone crab-walking around under it. Coma patients could dream themselves away from this pathetic pile of “terror.”
• Charles Lee Ray/Chucky from Child’s Play (1988): He’s a doll, if you see him running towards you, just kick him to the other side of the room and that’s it.
• Kharis, the Mummy from The Mummy (1959): That guy had only one working arm and staggered: A baby could roll away from him.
• Daleks from Dr. Who and the Daleks (1965): One word – stairs
• Audrey II from The Little Shop of Horrors (1960): She’s a POTTED plant
• The stuff from The Stuff (1985): How hard is it not to eat something that looks like soft-serve, albino diarrhea leaking out of a hole in the ground?
• The industrial laundry press from The Mangler (1995): How to escape it? Just don’t go near the thing.
• The Candyman from Candyman (1992): All you have to do is not say his name 3 times.

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